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Please do not talk to me about it



When I first started to question the occurrences of 2020, I was alone. No one around me, not even a single person, agreed with me or was willing to even consider some of what was bothering me. Which is an understatement, if ever there was one. Things were not just bothering me, they had me beside myself with fear and worry. What is unfolding today, the endlessness of the endless "outbreak" and all that it is bringing with it - the loss of freedoms, of autonomy, the steady ascendance of a global bio-security police State, the proliferation of a world hive mind that not only accepts it all but even rejoices in it, the collectivism. I saw it all as clearly back during those very first days, as it is coming to pass now. 

Today, I am no longer all that alone in my fears. What I saw then, now many around me are also seeing. Some who are very near and dear to me, like my sister, bring me especial joy. And something that I hear a lot from these new campaneros is that actually they knew deep down for a long time that something was really really wrong about the whole sorry saga but that they didn't have the guts to face it. Because if there is no outbreak, then what is there instead? That is a very scary question. I was hit with that question one year ago. And I know how terrifying the void that opens up, when that question surfaces, is.

One friend told me that he finally faced up to everything, including that terrifying question, when he realized that what the order that is slowly being rolled out expects him to do is to forsake his dignity. "Haysiyetsiz yaşamamızı istiyorlar. Bir anda onu fark ettim, ve herşey bitti." No way to translate that into English, so Turkish it is. 

But then, there are also those who appear to still be buying into the narrative and who persistently try to broach the topic with me. To finagle some kind of agreement or acquiescence from me. Goaders. To them I want to very politely say - stop! 

I know what you are doing, you see. You know, as well as the next person, that something is very badly wrong with this picture and you are seeking relief, solace, something - a validation of your opiate from me. How many fingers Winston? If you can bully someone like me into agreeing with you that everything that is happening right now is due to this scourge that is so dreadful that it justifies this "new normal" - how soothed you will be if you can get me to agree with your manner of reasoning the bogeyman away... 

However, no matter how much you flail around for finding some innocuous explanation to all that is transpiring here; you know, as well as I do, that illnesses, outbreaks - no matter how bad - they come and go. You know, as well as I do, that at no point in history have healthy people been quarantined and economies brought to a standstill for them. And that the top %0.001 (or how ever many zeros it is) have increased their wealth by over %40 just this past year as a consequence of that enforced standstill. That the very world we live in has been changed by force. A very deep, subtle, calculating force at that.

You know that what is going on now is something else. Something entirely different. You know this as well as I do. You know that your "severe outbreak" is the far lesser of 2 evils, if not indeed a mere smokescreen for a much bigger agenda. And that we are no longer facing this infinitely bigger evil as a distant threat, as an abstraction - this horror agenda is actually already upon us.

And then there are people like me, like Pinocchio's consciences in your ear, who make that little voice inside you go louder. What if?... What if?... Not that I am even talking about any of this, at this point. It is always the likes of you who start these conversations, trying to goad Pinocchio's conscience into submission. If only I would agree with you that we were in the throes of a scourge... 

Stop. I mean it. Just stop. It won't work. I will not aid your soporific, end of! I can't. But even if I were to do so, it still wouldn't work. Because deep deep down you already know! 

We all have our own paths to forge in this. You forge yours. And I forge mine. And when we come together we talk about other stuff. Cats, design stuff, home furnishings, food, fashion, this that... Or we can just plain old gossip, you know... 

How about we do just that?